did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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