As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
