remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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