Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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