I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
