New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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