This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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