Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
