Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
