I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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