from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
