I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
