I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you mean i was at the winter classic?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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