I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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