IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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