i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
