I want to make a zoo with you.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
