Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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