Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
