do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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