the condom got lost in my hair
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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