Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
