He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think my fart just growled at me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
