i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
