i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
