Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
