I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
