see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
