i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
