wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
