I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
