butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I could make wine with my vomit
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
