He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
