Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
