Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
