White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
