I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
