FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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