My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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