dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
