i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
