He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
