she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
