so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize