I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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