Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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