So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
