Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
