Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize