Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
