Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
