someone threw a dead crab at me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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