"it" just moved
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
