i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I sprained my soul last night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
