What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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