I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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