dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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