Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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