You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
