ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
