I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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