yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
