i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My vagina just clenched in fear
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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