1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
