Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We have so much sex to catch up on
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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