so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
