I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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