Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
