I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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