Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
