I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
