He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
