Welp...herpes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
